Entry Eighteen: 2014: The year of happiness and pain.

It’s funny how a year can start off new and fresh, but within three days of the New Year. You made a decision that you want to take back, but you cannot seem to get it back. You realize something that you wanted the most, is stolen by a person that doesn’t deserve what that person currently has. You have the best summer of your life with doing the things that you wanted to do, but you never could do it before when younger. The summer was at best, but once the end of the year hits, the world comes crashing down. You finally get a job and make your own money, but only to realize that the person you lived with loses their job. You have your friends that you were close too at one point, but they move away and you see how much happiness they have now that they are without you. The holidays are coming up and it’s supposed to be “The Most Wonderful Time of the Year” when really, it’s a year of depression and agony to even have a merry Christmas or a Happy Thanksgiving.

I know that this is the point of life and everything, but you just feel like there is something that you want to do. If I could turn back the clocks, I would fix everything and make it just right again. You feel like this is a nightmare and want to pretend it never happened, but in reality, this is the point of life and this is the facts of it. Sure some people don’t want to handle the truth about it and want to live in their world of happiness and the life they dreamt of and got something they “wanted” the most. Life is not about rainbows and cupcakes. Life sucks and then you die. I kind of wished CERTAIN people would think that because what I’m saying is the truth.

For the past three years since I’ve been looking back. The last positive year that I had and remembered was the beginning of 2008 where I had everything going good for me, but as soon as I had my nervous breakdown and things went downhill for me, and it lead me into a dark hole. I was able to get out of that dark hole and rebound, but I realized as soon as I was getting out of High School that I was becoming an adult. The fear of going to college and making good the good greats. Eventually I was looking back how far I’ve come, but I realized that the following years, some of them, with the exception of 2011 where I had the most fun until the winter of that year where I came down with an ear infection and started my spring semester recovering from it. The summer started off with a BANG as I made the Presidents List, but went downhill when my dog died and my brother was leaving to train for the army, but had to pull out because of a surgery. 2013 I wanted to different from the last year, but it started out with my Stepdad and myself fighting because I wasn’t working. The summer of that year was OK, but it ended up badly. 2014 I wanted to start off right, but every time something happened, it would hit a stop, but it would pick up when I did podcasts and became more friends with everyone. The summer as I said was the best, but it came to a stop. I started to pick up hours more at my job, but its starting to take a toll on me and this is my first job.

Yes, I know I sound like I’m bitching and moaning, but when you want to have a cry for help, you need to express it and do what you have to say here. They say that soldiers fall after they battled and lost a war. That’s what I feel like. I feel like a fought a battle and lost what I wanted. Then again, you can rise like a phoenix from the ashes that were burnt the following year. Well mark my words, everyone, there is something I want to share with you and I think that everything needs to see it and read it for myself.

2015, Meagan will rise from the ashes. I will get what I want the most and let nobody stop me from what I WANT to get the most. A lot of people know what this is and I will do whatever it takes to get what I want. I will have the fun I once had with my friends again and I will be working fully in 2015. 2015 will be the year my family gets back on their toes and will be the year that all will be right again. It’s the year of Redemption and it will be just as sweet as the San Antonio Spurs winning the title from the Miami Heat.

Let’s just hope I don’t jinx it…

Thanks for Reading.
Meagan.

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By themeagang